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Please this is where all the posts will be, will update this, but not frequently.

Viral meme

I'll have a full Podcast on the coming AutSpks Walk for Columbus, it's the weekend after this one. Checkout ASAN for more details. But for all the Ohio aspies and auties the walk is on the 12 at the Schotstein center in Columbus, the ASAN chapter for OSU will be by the 4H building near Borrow Dr. Spread this around and continue to reach out.

For fun, I have a little meme for everyone.

Kinda cute isn't it, well you can continue the fun by saving the other image and write your own PosAUTive message, spread Tikaani around and send a good message to everyone. I would love to see what you guys come up with.

Employment and Autism

Lets be frank here. The odds of autistic adults getting steady and full-time work is really slim. Quote
According to Barnard et al., 2001
Only 6% of individuals with autism spectrum disorder have full time employment
Only 12% of individuals with Asperger’s or high functioning autism have full time employment despite an average IQ. 22% have IQ’s in the superior to very superior range.

Really? Really guys? It's that bad?

12% if you are an aspie and if you are full ASD it's half. Parent's this is the truth. The chances that your son or daughter on the spectrum won't need Goverment help or can live on a steady income is rather bleak. I am kinda crying right now. Because it's the fucking hard as truth and worse than I thought.

I wonder how long it before I am unemployed again.

First day at work

 It was a bit overwhelming as all knew things are. But I have a lot on my mind from it. First off I was a bit disappointed with whole concept of "Feeding Programs" I thought I was teachers feeding students with little motor control, but Admin mentioned that it might looked like force-feeding the kids while trying to expand the pallets of kids with olfactory sensitivity. I kinda watched this with one student can call "Blondie" he was doing real well eating his lunch and given Pringles as reward for eating a new food. I smiled a bit, because it looked like Blondie was actually benefiting. But I don't like the idea of making a kid eat anything no matter how limited their preferences are. Conditioning them like that isn't going help in the long run. It might just cause issues with food as they get older, it's best to let them expand on their choices on their own. I hated tomatoes when I was 6. when I got older I learned to loved them with salt, now I can't tomatoes much. Pallets change, observing is a better tool. 

A few kids were sweeties one kid looked like a short-haired version of Tikaani when he was little squirt. He will be henceforth known as Mini-kani. The teachers were all stellar this one called "B" seemed to be flirting with me. "L" was my clean up supervisor. She was honestly a little gruff, I don't think she has the patience for Spectrum kids. Anyway I am gonna go to work tomorrow. I'll keep you updated.

On another note I want to talk about something. You know this might surprise a lot of neuro-d out there, but you know what. I want to be an ABA therapist.....*hears the gasps and pearl clutching in the background* No seriously. I want to help autistic kids adapt to a pretty freaky world. I believe ABA has some benefits and can be useful, but I believe a lot of people fixate on the negatives and disregard the positives. I am also a big believer in non-aversive. So negative enforcement or punishment. I also believe in encouraging positive autistic behavior and leaving neutral behavior alone or modifying it so it won't be a problem when it does become negative (like toe-walking). I will discourage general negative behavior and foster a love of self. Because that is the bottom line. Special needs kids need to learn that their difference is a disability but being disabled isn't bad and that they should love themselves regardless of what parents and people say. If they want to to be cure that is their choice and their choice a lone. PERIOD. Parents need to stop thinking their sons and daughters can't make decisions because of there ASD. It's only going to make them dependent on people and sometimes hurtful people. The abuse with special needs kids is astounding. They need to learn right away how to use their speech or Aug.comm-board in away that promotes the concept of self and self-government and the idea that they are aware and interacting with their environment and 'low-functioning' or not. Their choices have meaning and if I do become an ABA therapist, I want to promote the need to independent, foster the desire to determined and above all the permission to say to mom or dad when the times comes "No. I will not follow this diet" or "No. I want this treatment." 

That is my goal. 


You Are My Mother (Tikaani Fic)

This is the story I sent to Suzanne,

“You are my mother.”

By Bard Child


My bones creek, by back aches and I can no longer walk. Every day I sit in bed cared by my husband and my little brother. Now my beautiful and strong husband, Maka, has left to join the ancestors and Amana is also very ill and resting beside me. Now it's my children who care for me.


Elang my oldest comes by with fresh milk and butter from his herd, he helps me get up and change my clothes. Sakari his wife helps as well and my grandchildren sit beside my bed and say.

“Nana! Nana! Tell us a story about the fortress!” I smile and recall the grand city of ice that I use to live, I tell them about their grandfather and how he was a hard working fisherman. I tell them about how Amana fought in the war and how he was a brave and fearless hunter. Enthralled by my stories, I dwell in those memories, letting the warm nostalgia wash over me like a fine bath. Finally my children and grandchildren go home, they tell me that Qaniit will come for the night. Leaving me with Amana who gets up to make food, I think about my youngest. Eyes grown soft and full of regret. After all the years I spent, I too have abandoned him. Amana hears me cry.

“Hanai?” His voice soft and gravely, like ice breaking in the sea. He hobbles over on his driftwood cane and sits beside me. “Hanai, are you in pain? Do you need any medicine, should I get a healer?” I shook my head, and waved his words aside. No herbs, no massage, no medicine. Just regret, a pain in which nothing assuages it. His dark eyes plead to me, asking why I was weeping. I confessed to Amana, I told him why I had a look of guilt and longing.

“I abandoned him, I threw him away, just as his father told me I would, after fifteen years or raising him. I shoved him aside too.” Amana squeezed my hand and shook his head.

“Hanai, we've gone over this. You couldn't raise him like this, Maka couldn't care for you and Tikaani. It was the right decision, Tikaani is an adult, and how Rahmet and the shamans of the south are his providers. You have read the letters that Rahmet wrote, Tikaani can read now and write, is working hard. You haven't abandoned him, you just let him grown up.” I knew he was right but still, I wish I had the courage to tell him, that I saw him as my son, and I should have been the one to tell him that I couldn't take him home. I wish I could comfort him and heal his confusion and feelings of abandonment. I wish I could apologize to him.


Continued hereCollapse )


Counter Attack

Dear Suzanne and Dee,


Thank you for responding to my letter with such speed. I appreciate the time you took to write back to me.


I have read your response and I am still processing it. Forgive me if my less than stellar communications cause a problem. I see that while you may have read my letter you haven't quite understood the point I was trying to make.


My point is that you video had very negative and hurtful portrayal of autistic people (ironically with video of autists being happy) and even though you state there are many voices of the autistic community, it seems that only the parents voices are actually heard and you make no effort to have our voices heard too.


Allow me to quote from Depeche Mode “Now I'm not looking for absolution. Forgiveness for the things I do, but before you come to any conclusions. Try walking in my shoes. Try walking in my shoes.”


How many of your chair-board have actually seen the world though our eyes and actually try to empathize with us? You empathize with the parents, the fact you picked to academy winning fathers is proof, but will you show a film of an adult autist, happy with who he is, and given the acknowledgment and affirmation that being autistic is ok and who he is? Or what about a film of a parent raising her child and teaching her how to self-advocate and loves her child despite her autism? Or will that turn away the grants you need?


I looked at “In Their Words” and it's written in the voice of the parent not the autist, I would like to participate but I am afraid your editors and PR folks wouldn't like the stories of self-determination and will power of an autistic adult, who will not be cured or changed by outside pressures.


I will of course show selections of works I have written about my autistic character of mine and paintings I have done. Perhaps it will be proof that we do think abstractly and show imagination.


With pride

Noranne “The Bard” Cochran.

I also sent them one my written pieces of Tikaani (which I will show here) and a link to my art blog.  

The Response I got

 Here is what Dee said.
Dear Anne,

The short film I Am Autism was created by two fathers of children with autism – Billy Mann, a Grammy-nominated songwriter, music producer and Autism Speaks board member, and Alfonso Cuarón, an Academy award-nominated film director. Set to a personal poem by Mr. Mann, the short film features home video footage voluntarily contributed by families around the world affected by autism. It is an intensely personal expression by these two fathers and their hope is that the piece inspires other voices and artists in the autism community.

: Autism Speaks believes that all individuals with autism and their families, regardless of their perspective or the nature of their disorder, should have the power to be heard.  No one perspective can ever be the definitive voice of autism. We encourage everyone in the autism community to acknowledge the myriad voices and have tolerance for the spectrum of opinions.

Anne, I would love to read your short stories, and see your watercolor painting.  Perhaps we would be able to have you take part of our “in their words” that we have up on our website.  We extend an invitation out to all that want to be heard on our platform.

Warmest regards,

Mrs. Wright

I am tempted to show my paints of my autistic boy Tikaani and maybe my writings. Do you know how should I respond to this? 

Letter to AutSpks

Dear Suzanne Wright,


There is a chance that this letter will be ignored or be responded with an automated message, but if you do read this letter I will introduce myself to you.


I write short stories, and paint with watercolors, I have paintings in art shows and I work at two different school centers. I travel around my home state and I am part of different activism groups. I am also twenty-two and asperger autistic.


I has come to my attention on your newest campaign and video, “I am Autism”, that the material in this show is very degrading and hurtful to autistic people. Many individuals from all over the spectrum has felt that this video continues the old mythos of the “stolen child” and that autistic people are hollow empty shells. This kind of message is dehumanizing the autistic community and parents who do not feel that their precious and unique child is a “burden” and that some anthropomorphic disorder has taken them and hell-bent to ruin their lives.


Being autistic has not been easy. I do not ignore the struggles I have had being asperger, society has been a vicious animal to me, and it hard to speak a language that I am not fluent in. It took me two years to find another job and I have yet to hold steady employment. I panic easily and suffer from meltdowns as any autist would. However, I try walk forward and live my life as I want to live it.


The message portrayed in your video seems to make the “normative” feel good and the “autist” dependant on them, as if they have no say on what treatments they need want or if they want treatment. I was given many kinds of pills and treatments, I was given no say on whether I want them or not. I took me years to foster the kind of independence I need to make the choices that benefit me.


Autistics have place in this world, we are the odd child in the classroom that makes a masterpiece in art class, we're the kid that solves math problems with ease, the child that adapts well online or the child that feels the endless freedom of music. We have hopes, dreams, loves and desires. Many of our voices are silenced by the countless voices of parents who care more for the lime-light of being the victim than their own child's feelings and thoughts.


In the end, every child on the spectrum, whether be a classic autist or an asperger one, is still a human being, but even your video seems to deny us that. You say we autists lack empathy and we need to understand how hard parents have it. I wish parents gain some empathy for us and see how hard it is for us to have some form of respect and dignity from our neuro-typ...no, neuroaccepted peers.


With Respect,

Noranne “The Bard” Cochran.

(Opening fiction with Tikaani)

Hanai tried to get Tikaani to stop crying and screaming. His face screwed up with a look of desperate fear and worry. The stares of his people go ignored as has pulled his long black hair. Hanai also ignored the whisperes and stares of others, too concerned with getting Tikaani to process the information that was overwhelming him. He pointed a suede covered mitten at the large animal in front of him. He made another shriek and waved his hands as if to push the buffaloyak away. The rider on top scolded him and berated Hanai. After all the frustration from both Tikaani's meltdown and the rider on top, Hanai shouted.
"Just move along! He is terrified of buffaloyaks! He is telling you to leave!"

Hanai watched as the rider blinked back suddenly and rode off. Once Tikaani saw that he was gone, the six year old water tribeboy calmed down finally, humming and flapping his hands. Hanai picked him up and carried him thinking.

No body listens to those who don't speak their language.

The opening fiction depicts the ever common "autie-meltdown", Hanai tries to get her nephew to calm down but he can't as his phobia is staring him in his face. When the buffaloyak leaves Tikaani finally settles. But Hanai wonders why the man riding on him doesn't leave him alone...

It the old condrum of us being able to have something to say or communicate and no one bothers to listen to it. Autism Speaks of course in their wave of ignorant glory, flavored with NYC Ransom notes styled ominous voice over, they put this as their new inspirational video. It inspiries of course parents and teachers and non-autists who are meer observers and infuriates the autists themselves as they roll their eyes and as Kel Mitchelle once said "Awww here it goes!"

This is of course is just ANOTHER underhanded self-serving tactic of AutSpks. Dehumanization is rampant among groups like "Generation Rescue" and "Defeat Autism Now". They keep separtating the autism from the indiviual and that is not how it works. I am speaking only for myself, but many others share the seditment. This sort of mentality is why many autistic children perish in acts of desperation and matyrism. Parents are put on this stage of pity and victimization and autistic children become some sort of scapegoat for unhappy parents that realize that they child they want is not the one they got.

They last bit of the video of course is all for the parents as they gather around the autistic child acting that they will do anything to help they child, like crushing their identity and molding them into something that they are not. Everyone else knows that AutSpks is for NTs not for Autism, the real voice of autism isn't the self-loving parents hogging the lime light whist their autistic child struggles all through their childhood then drown in a sea of lowered expecations and a society hell-bent on turning a "llama" into a "sheep." And if they autist is lucky, he might find happiness and peace with someone or with what makes him happy if not he or she might turn into a bitter misanthropic indiviual that prefers the soliditute of his basement.

Autism rights isn't about glorfying autism. It's about letting our words be heard so we can make our own choices. NT's don't have a say on what we need, we do. And it's about time someone hears that.


Normative wank

Why. Why do they do this? Why do set up this systematic response pattern that we have no idea how it operates and then act confused when we fuck up? Why?

Normatives are really a lot like a computer that speaks in one data language and then when talking to an Autistic computer gets frustrated when the aut-computer spends twenty minutes trying to read all this shit.

I don't know what normatives what from me, I don't know what behavioral cue they expect. I guess after being around my parents I noticed that I was never happy lying to them about who I was, and I was struggling with mommy and daddy issues since puberty. Why is it so hard for them just to want a happy child? Why do they use my own diagnosis as some sort of training mechanism to get me to preform a set system of behaviors? Why do I have to constantly bullshit to them and then when they eat the lie like candy I get disgusted when they start vomit the pretty little half-truth up.

I wish my dad knew that I hate his conservative propaganda and I am sick of his libertarian bullshit.
I wish my dad understood that I am bigender because he modeling me into the son he wanted instead of the daughter he got. That I am happy in some aspects of being a floating gender and someday I hope to reach a state of total androgyny.
I wish my dad knew that the long walks in the woods, fishing, country drives is why I choose to be a pagan. Why I find myself an extension of the earth

I wish my dad stops calling my disorder a broken part or demonizing it. I am not broken, I am not whole I am not what you want me to be.

Normative Parents are so fixated on their child's diagnosis that many forget the big picture and instill the self-hate that many autists deal with today.